Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
porn star boner night. come get it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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