I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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