I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How does one acquire holy water?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
