Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
