I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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