I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
