I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she told me i tasted like america
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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