its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
