mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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