Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
