she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
