Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
