Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
