Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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