I'm really into asian looking animals
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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