Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
