Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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