Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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