did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
