I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
