Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
