I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
