"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
