You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
