I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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