i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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