His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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