He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
