you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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