this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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