opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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