Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
