Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
