i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
