Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
