You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
