if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
