you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
