I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
