mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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