he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
