my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
