i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
