i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
