Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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