Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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