I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
