Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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