I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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