i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
