Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I touched a dick in church today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
