Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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