then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
