i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
