So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize