A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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