Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
