omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
