This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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