you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
