my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
