It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
