Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
