so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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