i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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