he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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