I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And then he peed in my hair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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