Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
