she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
