I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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