a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
is it fun? or sober?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
