I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
