So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
