I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
