Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
