Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
