why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
